once upon a time, there was marshall

I feel like every time I hang out with Marshall I get in trouble. I either say things the wrong way or do the wrong thing or make the wrong decision. And I don't know if it's just that other people don't really say anything if you do something they're not one hundred percent ok with, or if I just care more when Marshall says something. Like Zach tells me I'm screwing up all the time, but I don't think about it after it passes the present. Like okay, if it comes up again and I am supposed to learn from it, or if he's given me advice, fine, I think of it. But if he just says something offhand, like, about how I say something, for example, I acknowledge it in the moment, agree or disagree, and move on. I'm over it. But for some reason when Marshall...corrects? no, that's not the right word...it's more like he's standing up for the right thing, even if the thing I've done is super small. So today, I am there, and he's mentioning how this girl Carina hasn't texted him, and I told him not to worry about it because Carina's a flake. Maybe that's not the nicest thing to say, maybe it's not even true anymore, I haven't seen her since high school (ish) but I think it's true, and there's also always been something about Carina I don't trust. I do like her, she's a sweet girl - or at least she was last time I had any kind of encounter with her - but the vibe is there. Maybe it's just that I initially didn't like her too much because she was new and super interesting to Alana in high school when Alana and I were so close. Maybe it's just a high school thing that never got resolved in my mind and so I carried it over to the tone of my voice when I was really only trying to tell Marshall that I think it would probs be something to do with Carina and not with him if she hasn't texted when she said she would. Maybe it's just because a lot of people think Carina's so pretty. Maybe it's just because I can see Marshall really liking her, what with her Marshall-ish lifeways and her natural-beauty look. And it's not him liking her that would bother me, per se, it's just that I can see that ending super badly. And I would hate that for him. Like I said, it's pretty much only with Marshall that I think about these things so long after they've happened. Like, what gives? It's a sentence, Zoe.

AND, being there when I'm technically not supposed to, of course is not the right thing to do. So Marshall does not permit this, and also makes me feel shitty for a) doing this, b)not really minding that I'm doing this and c)instigating the comment that I "make people be my dad". I guess by doing things wrong occasionally and hanging out with people who feel like they have to put me back in line? With Zach it's not so bad because I know him like I know myself...well, he hasn't called me back today, so maybe that's not true, jackass...no, it is true, he's just being a b. But I also know Zach's mistakes and that he is not always set on doing the perfect thing in every situation, that right and wrong isn't black and white. For Marshall, there are no shades of gray, and it leaves my pride black and blue.