weight of the world

So the problem with losing so much weight so (sort of) suddenly...suddenly in that I feel like I've been trying to do it for a long time and now that I don't really know what I did it's suddenly...hah way to use the word in the definition...happened for some reason. Well, anyway, the problem with it is that I'm getting more and more consistently nervous about gaining it back.

Like I know the scale fluctuates within three pounds depending on when you weigh yourself, but today the little numbers were one pound heavier than they were last night, which makes me go back and catalog all the things I ate yesterday and all the exercise I should have done, and then subsequently - because everything in my life makes sense, right - I must then go downstairs and proceed to eat one of nathan's 500 calorie frozen dinner things for breakfast...on top of yogurt and little fried bread things...and just, UGH.

I would always take the paranoia and the weightloss over the complacency and the fatness though, so I think it evens out..maybe?

Also, it is super hard to get a JOB right now, and this sucks, because I need one hardcore. Maybe I will move in with justice and get a job at olive garden, because apparently nashville has this many - ZEROOOO - jobs for moi. I have an interview slash audition to tutor with the princeton review on monday, which I still have to prepare for, but that's only 5 - 15 hours a week IF and ONLY IF I get it, even though it does pay 15-20 bucks and hour. I mean 100 dollars a week for five hours of work...I'll take it.

ALSO, I've been spending a lot of time with Sommer lately, which is neat and also weird, because I haven't had a friend-girl in a long time. She's neat and I like her, but I guess we'll see where that goes.

ALSO ALSO - ZACHARY IS COMING HOMEEE!!! my love my life my happiness, zachary moved to new york like two weeks ago because he was living out a dream and sick of nashville and blah blah...but thanks to his girlfriend carrie and my unfailing charm and charisma, he hates new york and is coming home to us on tuesday!!! which also happens to be the day of my ungrounding AND his birfday. ok, not going to lie, it's probably all carrie on this one, but I'm still unflaggingly happy about it. Like so happy I could explode. NOW ALL I NEED IS A J-O-B!!!

oh and some sweet boy to kiss a little, a million dollars, a justice, and a free college degree. DREAM ON SWEET DREAMER.