kind of disillusioned

so. my "new"..."kissing" partner is making me a little disillusioned. Like ok, he's 35, he hosts trivia and used to teach at a waldorf school, he's moving back to seattle in like two months, and he's cute I guess, and more importantly, I learned last night that the sex is good. Like maybe there's something to be said for being thirty five and sleeping with a 22 year old...when you have the experience to make the cut and the thirst to prove your sexual prime is not, in fact, over, and that you can, (hell YEAH) keep up with that hot young thing between the sheets. Because I have not slept with someone like that......well, like last night...in a long, long time. possibly ever. TO be fair, I totally earned my share of that, because there was some work involved on my part, and I am, of course, the better of the two - because when am I not - but he's closer to keeping up than most people would be...usually.

but the thing is, he's fine the night of, he's kind of ok the week of, but the morning after, the morning in general, he SUCKS BALLS. Like there's not a sweet bone in his body - despite the babyface - (verbatim the words I got were "there's a lot of peter left in this pan")and he IS NOT a gentleman in any sense of the word. Like almost to an uncomfortable degree for me. So not only is he not up, making me breakfast and singing songs of praises and thanking sweet jesus for somehow landing me in his bed in the morning, he's basically passed out, grumpy when he gets woken up, a shitty cuddler - not that I'm in this for the snuggling, but if I just spent the hours of two am until 9am in your bed - AWAKE and active - you better believe I want you to hold me like you'll never let go, at least until I fall asleep - AND, here's the caveat - he snores. Like not as bad as jackson snoring, but a legit issue. And twice last night I caught myself thinking "this is a little like having sex with a pig" - and I mean, I did stop thinking very, very rapidly after those points, and I hear pigs are supposed to be good in bed, but it did throw me off.

And so last night, well, this morning, I removed myself to the couch so I could sprawl out in silence because I wasn't getting anything from being in his bed anyway, I might as well have snuggled myself. AND he doesn't drive because of a DUI that should be over any day now, but when we end up at his cousin's house, which is somehow where we seem to usually end up - because there's a private pool there - it's in the middle of godforsaken nowhere and I'm pretty much stranded unless I have someone else drive me. So this morning, I was ready to be doneandgone - yes, the all one word was strictly intentional - and of course my phone - which I found at his (his cousin's) house last night anyway, after not having a phone for like weeks, is dead, (natch...I mean I found it there, that's enough for me, I can't expect them to charge it really) and of course I have no charger. SO I'm dealing with Lance trying to get someone to come pick me up, because like a bitch, he is still asleep and giving a shit about what I'm doing and how I'm getting there, and at this point I have gotten up, fed myself sun chips and looked wistfully at the bisquik in the "pantry" and go in and GUESS WHAT. Dude doesn't want to let me use his phone. Like, excuse me?

So finally he gets the point that I'm leaving and in order for him to continue sleeping I will need to make a call, HE dials the number for me, hands me the phone, and takes it back as soon as it's done ringing. And tells me that he has private things on that phone and blah blah blah GOD this sounds a lot worse when you spell it all out. Oh and I forgot the part where he brought emily and I home to his cousin's pool as planned, WELL, emily brought us, cousin wasn't even there, brazillian roommate let us in - HOW ABOUT dude also includes this random asian girl from the bar in the equation and brings her for good measure? ok, this sounds a lot worse than I thought it would originally...like I thought I had a gut feeling that the good sex is not worth it to be treated like this, which, to be fair, I'm not really taking lying down - no pun intended - I announce how I feel about it, do my own thing, and call him out, at which point he acknowledges truth in all these statements and I have to acknowledge the truth in the fact that I knew all these things before I opted into this situation AND I knew he knew them - so it's not like he's trying to spit me a nice guy game and then be this way, he was totally clear from the beginning that this is the way it is, and for a few nights, maybe it was worth it. But I'm not going to lie, I will take a less intense, less tiring hookup with a gentleman scholar athlete who kisses me in the morning and makes me breakfast in bed - over this hot mess who is too old for me anyway and probably won't let me see his phone because he's either a serial killer, a serial rapist, or has a wife or six girlfriends or something. Like at this point, I'm young, I'm single, I have my own stuff going on and I don't want or need to need anyone else, and I'm not out to be super serious. And I just lost forty five pounds and gained muscle tone, so basically he should be on his knees giving thanks to whatever god has enough of a sense of humor to send me his way. And he's not. So at this point I think I'm tapping out in favor of more nights spent alone and more mornings spent not trying to reason out of why I'm not getting breakfast and sweet kisses and town cars to take me wherever I need to go...and trying to talk myself out of the fact that he's a 35 year old trivia host who is a dick - who tells some endearing stories, sure, and is fun some of the time, sure - but who is ultimately not even CLOSE to being in my league or even in the same ballpark as a guy that I'm looking for.

I think I will instead turn my attentions to my new boyfriend - he does not know he's my new boyfriend yet, btw, so don't say anything - Calvin..the first year med student at Vandy who is training to teach the MCAT at my work and came in and was so friendly to me on his first day, wearing his camel gucci loafers with a maroon stripe coordinated to his maroon lacoste. THAT is more like it. AND i bet it comes with breakfast in the morning.